Love and Loss

I suppose you can't lose without first loving.  December 8, I lost my second Mommy friend since I've been in Charlottesville.  There have been others lost in our lives the last 4 years, also, but these two hit a little too close to home.  These two have children that are my kids' peers.  January 11 will be the 2-yr-anniversary of our sweet friend Jill's death.  Our next door neighbors for 6 months, Luke and Andrew become fast friends and played daily.


Mundy was a newer friend, but made quite an impression on me.  Her story is one of a life-long struggle with various health issues.  Most recently, she suffered from meningitis twice in the last 3-4 years.  The May 2012 attack left her nearly deaf, slowed her ability to speak her mind, and ended her marriage.  Her amazing parents, Lee and Edie, took her in with her sweet daughter, Olive (almost 4).


I met Mundy (Edmunda, after her mother, Edie) about a year ago and the connections immediately began.  After finding her way back to the church, she joined Bible Study and MOPS to connect with other Moms.  According to Edie, Mundy LOVED MOPS.  Although social situations were difficult for her because of her hearing loss and her delayed speech, she faithfully came and even offered her testimony at a May meeting.  Because she no longer drove, I gave her and Olive a ride to prayer meeting one day and then to Fairview afterwards (she was a lifelong member of Fairview and our own JJ taught her to swim!).  She had Olive bring me a small vase of flowers from their yard as a thank you for the ride.  Such a sweet Mother, she was trying to teach precious Olive compassion and gratefulness.  At Fairview, Margaret and Olive played together while I got to know Mundy better, and Edie, too (who had driven in to join them).  Only weeks later, Edie kept Matthew all week during VBS.   A faithful grandmother and volunteer, she kept the baby nursery during VBS so that young Moms like I am could help teach older kids.  Still nursing Matthew, I visited with Edie for about 30 minutes each day. 


Fast forward, Mundy wound up in the hospital in November fighting a brain virus.  The first time I visited, I was unprepared for Mundy's condition.  She was alert, but unable to communicate or care for herself.  A nurse came in to brush her hair and teeth.  A good long talk with Edie and Lee yielded so much information.  Edie was a librarian at Andrew's Elementary school for 15 years!  And Lee, the commissioner of revenue for the city, has Olive all squared away and is quite a wise man.  Mundy was so fortunate to have them in charge of her care.  Both still working full time, I vowed to keep in touch and provide some level of care, comfort, and support to the family.


The end of the story is sad for us here, but joyful for Mundy. I didn't realize that I would never speak to her again.  She was never again alert.  I visited 4 times in her last week, while she continued to be unresponsive.  Doctors all over the country viewed brain biopsy results and could not determine anything that could be done.  With no treatment available, her condition worsening, and her body shutting down, the decision was made to remove her from all fluids and keep her comfortable.  The last week of her life, I hugged her parents and heard stories of Mundy's love for the cello and God.  Edie shared Mundy's revelation after losing her hearing..."Mom, I know why God planned this to happen to me.  I haven't been listening to him, and now that I can't hear anything, all I can hear is Him." What a statement.  While Woodbrook friends from her days there visited, I learned how much Edie, Mundy and Olive are all alike.  I also learned how dearly Edie and Lee loved their daughter...and granddaughter.  Most importantly, I saw in action the "peace that passes all understanding".  I learned from a friend that is a hospice nurse how to put your teary heart aside and wash the feet of one who is in transition....how to take a deep breath and sing God's praise when there are no more words for the elephant situation in the room.  Oh, How Deep the Father's Love For Us, how vast beyond all measure.  I learned how terrible, how really, really terrible it is to watch someone die.  It is too slow a process for my taste, but this is all, ALL in His hands and in HIS time.  We cannot and WILL not know it all this side of Heaven. 


I struggled with each visit---should I go?  Do I know them well enough to be there during these last days?  How has it been 8, 9, 10 days without fluids?!?  How do I interact with parents that awaiting their child's death, only praying that it is painless?  But sweet Miss Helen encouraged me continue going and each time I left, I was thankful I had been there.  During my last visit, alone with Edie, she had asked if I would be with Mundy for a few minutes.  Those moments, I touched my friend and prayed, prayed, prayed that she would go be with her Savior peacefully, and soon.  What a long haul for adoring parents.  She reacted, in a way that frightened me, and then Edie returned to provide her lips some moisture. 


And then around 3:30am on Sunday, Dec. 8, surrounded by her selfless parents and amazing nurse, she went to be with her Lord.  Singing a perfect melody through the pearly gates, I have no doubt, she is finally, finally perfect, pain-free, at ease, and in Heaven.  What a joy to know. 


We had a MOPS meeting just 4 days later devoted to honoring her.  The stories that we shared were a moving tribute for those that knew and those that did not.  Mundy was easy to love.  Mundy was why MOPS exists.  The funeral followed a few days later.  A friend and I  arranged for a "rememberance tree" to be created.  We had friends and family write "I will remember" memories on cards that we hung from a topiary and presented to Edie and Lee.  The memories shared by Mundy's UVA friends were fantastic, and revealed that I never even knew Mundy as she was already deteriorating by the time I met her.  What a loss for me.  But how much I learned from her.  I will be forever grateful that she was in my life, even for a short time.  And the friendship that I have developed with Edie and Lee I pray will last.  They are dear, dear folks and I feel like we can benefit from each other.




"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)" (Sung at MOPS for Mundy)

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

[Chorus x2]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
Lord, I'll worship Your holy name

Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name
Jesus, I'll worship Your holy name
I'll worship Your holy name

"I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" (Sung at Mundy's funeral - an instant favorite of mine, both for the touching lyrics and the tune)

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!