Jill

This post is dated January, 11, 2012.  While this is the day that my dear friend Jill Robertson passed away at the tender age of just 37, it is actually a year later that I finally post this.  I have waited to share memories...thinking that time would heal the tears and provide more eloquence in my words.  I'm not sure either can be accomplished, so I will simply leave here two previously written letters.

The first letter I wrote to Jill in October, 2011.  When Dr's at Sloan Kettering in NYC told her there was nothing more they could do to fight the cancer, she took treatment into her own hands.  She drove herself to Oklahoma for 3 weeks in an alternative cancer treatment facility.  While there, I sent her things that I hoped would be an encouragement.

The second letter I wrote to Luke.  After she passed in January, 2012, we travelled to Pennsylvania for her memorial service and then attended an evening in her honor at Fry's Spring Beach Club, where she had coached swimming and impacted high schoolers for so many years.  Dan collected memories that night in order to compile a scrapbook for Luke.  I pray my words for Luke will help keep some memories alive for him as he grows up. 

October 2011__________________________________________________

 

Dear Jill,

You have been on my heart since I met you.  I truly believe there is a reason that we ended up living next to each other on Burnet St.  I think the Lord brought us together not for built-in entertainment for the boys (although that was awesome!), but so that we could make an impact on each other.  You have definitely made an impact on me and I wanted you to know that.  You are a kind, sincere, considerate, FUNNY, person with a huge heart.  That is no accident.  As a Christian, I believe these are traits that Christ calls us to put into practice.    The “fruits of the Spirit”, as God describes them in Galatians 5:22-23, are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  I see all these in you!  Never a day goes by that I exhibit all of these, but I pray that never a day goes by that I don’t show one of these to the world in hopes of being a good example for Christ.  He died for my sins, so the least I can do is try to be a good example on His behalf.  As described in the Bible Study workbook I’m doing this fall, “No branch eats its own fruit, but instead, it bears fruit for others to consume. In the same way, the Holy Spirit cultivates the fruit in us to nourish others. “  My prayer for you is that you can recognize the gifts of these fruits with which you have been blessed.  Since I am not good with words and don’t know how to effectively share my Faith in God and my belief that He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for my sins, I hope that my actions in life can replace my loss for words.  I don’t know what He has planned for me in this life, but there is nothing that truly frightens me as I know what awaits me.

Since before we moved away from Burnet St., I have felt burdened to share certain things with you.  I have failed to do so only because of my own selfish insecurities.   But I am feeling called to move beyond that.  I need to feel secure in our friendship and trust that you will feel something positive from my words.  Perhaps you’ll feel compelled to question something new.  Perhaps you’ll feel drawn to let me pray for you sometime.  Perhaps you’ll decide to pray to God yourself and let Jesus Christ into your heart.  I don’t know, but I pray God will use me as an instrument to work in your heart and help bring you peace. 

I believe I was put here to make some sort of positive difference in the world.  I do not know why God allows suffering, but I do have a theory.  When I suffer, it jolts me out of complacency and into action!  I could get so wrapped up in the kids and the household and the daily routine that I could accomplish nothing more beyond that.  But if I don’t get myself beyond that, am I doing anything to help others?  Am I doing anything to help spread the good news of the Word?  So little by little, I try to grow stronger in my Faith and I try to grow more secure in my ability to share it, or at least exhibit it.  Perhaps I have shared some hope for you today.  I don’t know why we suffer, but I do have hope that God knows what He is doing.  There is a greater purpose for everything and everyone.  When I reach His Kingdom, it will all become clearJ  And I know that whenever He brings people home, it’s because He needs them more.

You have brought me joy, Jill, and for that, I am extremely thankful.  I hope our friendship will continue to grow. I love you and look forward to seeing you Saturday!

“God who has made us for his very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come (eternal life).”  2 Corinthians 5: 5

“He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who dies for them and was raised again.”  2 Corinthians 5: 15

“’Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.’”  Matthew 11: 28-29

“The Lord watches over you…the Lord is your shade at your right hand.  The Lord will keep you from all harm…he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”  Excerpts from Psalm 121

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom….The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.  He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.  The Lord watches over all who love him.”  Excerpts from Psalm 145

February 2012___________________________________________________

Dear Luke,

What a simply awesome girl your Mom was!  There is no other way to put it.  Your Mom was the first person I met in Charlottesville when we moved from Denver.  We lived next door to you guys on Burnet St. from November 2009 – May 2010.  Our moving truck was practically blocking your driveway when she walked up to me with her kind smile and introduced herself.  We talked for a few minutes and I thought, “Whew!  Thank goodness we have nice neighbors!”.  From there, a comforting friendship began to blossom.  She invited me to a jewelry party at your house that week.  We bought the same necklace, just in different colors.  Every time I wear it, I think of her. 

Your Mom was a bright light in our little Burnet St. complex.  She was friendly with everyone and got her exercise chasing you and Jake around the grounds.  You and Andrew quickly befriended each other, always darting back and forth between each other’s houses.  Andrew got a train table for Christmas that year and you loved coming over to play with it.  Often, your Mom and I would sit and chat about what in the world we were doing with you boys and how to raise you well.  We laughed and grimaced, comparing notes on being first time mothers and how to keep 2 & 3 year old boys from controlling us!   Then we’d get you outside into the sunshine to play while we’d sip on a glass of wine.  Those were good times.  They were nice afternoons, sometimes turning into fun evenings. 

Your Mom and Dad were even generous enough to “babysit” Andrew for us while we’d go out to dinner.  Our houses were so close together that we’d put Andrew to bed, then take the video monitor over to your house.  It worked great for everyone, I just wish they could have joined us for dinnerJ  I stood in your driveway one night watching fireworks over downtown Cville with her and we shoveled LOTS of snow together.  Charlottesville got record snow that winter that she swore we brought with us from Colorado!  We got THREE foot+ storms three weekends in a row.  All we could do was laugh, shovel, have a drink, pass the shovel, and dig some moreJ  Your Mom was such a good conversationalist and always made me feel important.   We kept each other company when Michael was gone and your Dad was working. 

When we bought a new house, we were excited, but immediately sad to be leaving you and your parents.  We knew it wouldn’t be far, but we knew we wouldn’t see you everyday anymore and that made us sad.  But we met you downtown for a concert one Friday and had you over to our pool to swim.  You were already a great swimmer, thanks to your Mom.  She was an incredible athlete.  Her biggest passion was for swimming, but she also loved biking, snowboarding, surfing, and anything else that would get her heart rate up and keep her in such great shape.  In addition to swimming herself, she loved coaching.  She had a sincere desire to teach children of all ages how to swim, but she was one of the extra special ones.  She had an impact on those kids (both at Charlottesville High in the winter and at Fry’s Spring in the summer) that is impossible to measure.  Her kids trusted her.  Her kids learned from her.  Her kids looked up to her. Her kids confided in her.  She was the mother that some kids at CHS didn’t have.  She was the supportive sister that many of them craved.  She was the role model that many of them lacked.   They were so lucky to have her.

Jill was lucky to have you, Luke.  You were the light of her life.  She adored everything about you.  She loved your curls and your freckles.  She loved the way you sucked your left thumb.  She was proud of how you declared that you would stop sucking your thumb on your 4^th birthday.  As we laughed together in Greenleaf Park on your 4^th birthday, she celebrated that you had indeed stopped sucking your thumb!   She made me laugh, Luke.  She made me cry.  She let me cry on her shoulder.  She listened to me.  She befriended me.  But most importantly, she taught you and my sweet Andrew how to shake your booties.  I was too much of a stick in the mud when you boys were little to worry about such silliness, but your Mom taught me how important that was.  She shook her booty with you boys until you would do it on cue.  It was priceless.   And we all laughed. 

When I think of your Mom, I remember her hospitality towards me and the special friendship I thought was just beginning and prayed I would have forever.  I think of her warmth, kindness, generosity, big smile and even bigger heart.  I think of love.  I will always miss her, Luke, but I look forward to watching her grow through you and seeing her again someday.

                                                                                 Much Love,

                                                                                 Elizabeth Killian